9-17-07

This past friday I had the extreme pleasure of DJ-ing at Charlie
Horse, the weekly drag and rock and roll bar which has been taking
place  at The Cinch on Polk Street for three years now.  It’s quite an
established scene with a sense of tradition, a highly talented and
innovative stable of performers, a very enthusiastic young crowd and
an inimitable and gracious Hostess in Anna Conda who was celebrating
her 40th birthday with photo-collages of herself adorning the walls
and a cheap sangria drink special she made at home with her own feet!
I was a bit nervous, having not done a guest dj spot in some time but
I had the invaluable help of  Charlie Horse regular DJ Bearzabub who
handled all the programming for the performances at 11 and 12,
allowing me to descend the ladder from the joyously elevated booth
which provides a birds eye view of the club from end to end, and enjoy
the show with the very tuned in and fun-loving crowd.  Again I was
very surprised by the spirited crowd in attendance who seemingly
arrived at once.  I was getting situated and set-up and started laying
out the mandatory rock and roll that has always been the beat at the
heart of this club and before I knew it the place was practically full
and hopping.  There were many familiar faces as well as many I’d never
seen before, in all a very diverse and happy crowd hungry for a drag
rock explosion.  And unless I’m terribly mistaken Charlie Horse
charges no admission for all this top quality entertainment plus they
have quite a few drink specials and free popcorn as well.  I wondered
how I had missed out on this gem of San Francisco nightlife for so
long and realized it was mainly because I used to work every friday at
the Hole in The Wall until the evil forces known as the Entertainment
Commission brought that age-old tradition to an abrupt halt for
seemingly no good reason but greed and the want to disrupt the lives
and livelihood of a successful bar and its patrons and employees to
make way for a pristine and sterile south of market with little or no
representation of a subculture or underground and more of a lucrative
corporate utopia for people who make more than 50 K a year and long
for a place to raise their precious children.  But that’s all water
under the bridge now, though the Entertainment Commission is currently
under a grand jury investigation to try and ascertain more precisely
what exactly its function truly is.  I am pleased to see that the
Cinch and clubs like Charlie Horse are thriving in the changing face
of their own neighborhood, Polk Street, and have managed to cling to a
bit of the spirit of its history and colorful nightlife in a world
seemingly bent on burying the past and forgetting the things that make
a neighborhood and San Francisco unique.  Long live The Cinch and its
friendly committed staff and all the people involved in creating such
fine events as this.
Okay, off the soapbox and back to Charlie Horse–the two shows per
night they present really blew me away.  The first performer was
someone I’ve seen many times in the dark recesses of the hole in the
wall and the glaring bright lights of the 14 Mission bus and though
there was no stage or audience proper she was indeed putting on quite
the performance with a fearlessness that i must commend.  Tonight I
witnessed the Diva of Disaster Marcy Playground actually do it onstage
dressed like a little spanish doll from the “Its a Small World” ride
at disneyland. She performed “Fuck the Pain Away” by Peaches, eating
one of her own peachy breasts in the process and scattering enough
glitter to kill a dust-buster.  It was inspired and really got the
crowd going.  For some people the world is a stage and i was glad to
finally see this girl on one.  She’s crazy…in a good way.
Next up was Sheena Rose who had the incredible foresight and
exquisite taste to tackle Dame Shirley Bassey’s latest single “Get The
Party Started” the breakthrough hit for Pink written by Linda Perry.
I’ve been on a big Shirley Bassey kick myself lately and this song
proves there is no one quite like her.  Sheena pulled it off elegantly
adding a bit of assertion with a few well placed whacks of a riding
crop.
Then came the hilariously named Monistat with a fierce delivery of an
old Yma Sumac standard that had been lip-synced well into the ground
probably 30 years ago and she brought it back with all the fire and
attitude this stage could contain.  Another performer Donna Persona
reminded us all that disco will always have its hallowed place in the
world of drag with a donna summer song.
Then came the birthday girls performance, a clever choice of a song
by a group called Fetchin Bones during which Anna masticated a bunch
of milk bone dog biscuits and synced the final verse with a steady
flow of chow streaming rhythmically from her mouth.  It was hilarious
and apparently her signature number.  I laughed so hard i nearly
missed my cue to start rocking again till the next show.
The next set brought about some truly show stopping performances.
First up was PJ Hardon who placed the most handsome and truly sexy
thuggish blue-collar looking guy on stage as if he were watching TV
with a remote control in hand  as she synced a PJ Harvey B-side from
the Desert sessions behind him. She grabbed his remote only to be
wrestled to her knees for a savage round of forced oral copulation
then  tossed aside.  She regained her composure enough to strangle him
with a rope for the final gesture of defiance and this all took place
in about two minutes.  You can be certain i knew who i wanted to be in
this scenario…and i mean that.  This was furious unbridled
filthiness and that guy took my breath away.
Next up was probably the finest example of truly inspired lip-sync
technique of the entire night when Miss Nix tackled a brilliant choice
of song with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs “Black Tongue.”  Her timing was
ferociously effective, lingering fixed stares that were chilling with
rapid-fire gestures matching the lines “Boy you’re just a stupid bitch
and girl  you’re just a no good dick.”  This was the shit.
Next up was a talent i’d never seen before called Noseeum.  He was
led to the stage in a straight-jacket and his sunglasses were removed
to reveal these eerie dark slits fashioned with special effects make
up that brought to mind some of the genius extremes of Leigh Bowery.
He proceeded syncing a heavily tortured Cure song mostly writhing on
the floor and eventually lost his wig but continued and actually
kicked the hairpiece into the crowd who literally roared with
approval.  I wasn’t told until after the performance that Noseeum is
blind.  Amazing.
There was also an unexpected appearance by a performer who has
captivated me from the very first time I saw her, Suppositori
Spelling, who has got to be the sexiest drag performer to ever walk
the earth.  She completely blew my mind with an odd sort of cabaret
style version of “White Wedding” with a bit of “Whole Lotta Love”
thrown in.  It’s hard to say what it is about this creature that blows
my mind, that face, those legs, that ass–it’s enough to make the
devil weep.  She’s a lightning bolt of pure sex but you know there’s
plenty of brains to back it up.  Spelling is a true drag
phenomenon–she leaves me speechless and perspiring.
Fauxnique managed to sum up the entire rave culture of yesteryear in
a time capsule with a very athletic number that she remained in
character for the rest of the night     and finally Matthew Martin in his
best Margaux Channing performed “I will survive” as a birthday gift
for “forty…4…0h!” year old hostess Anna Conda who can still look
like 18 sometimes.  It was an amazing night and an incredible honor to
be a part of.  I can see why Charlie Horse has become such a
prize-winning attraction in San Francisco’s nightlife.  It packs a
high quality hard rocking entertainment punch right where we need it.