One night recently my roommate Tish bounded into my room excitedly clutching a latest issue of some fashion magazine she subscribes to saying, “Oh my god oh my god guess what guess what guess who’s in the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar?” I responded inquisitively and non-plussed, “Courtney?” She shook her head no, quickly thumbing through the pages to show me. “Alexander McQueen?” No again. “Okay, Don, who do we really love in New York?” Before I had a chance to say the words she shoved the open magazine at me and there they were in an absolutely glamorous large photo gracing the Theater page of Harper’s, a pair of dynamic performers whose brilliant act was born right he re in San Francisco and over the past two years has become a sensation in New York, a scandal in L.A. at Madonna’s 39th birthday, and a tradition in many a jaded heart on both coasts around this cheery bittersweet Christmas season, the unforgettable Kiki and Herb! There they were indeed, Justin Bond all leggy and sullen in a white mirabou jacket sitting atop the piano, a drink on one side and Kenny Mellman her brilliant accompanist at the bench, dressed in the finest formal wear this side of the captains table on a Princess Cruise Line. I know that they’ve gotten plenty of great press since starting their shows in New York, in Interview, Paper, Village Voice, and even more recently The NY Times, which had Kiki and Herb’s shows sold out and turning away hundreds at the door, but for some reason seeing them in Harper’s Bazaar really just kicked total ass! I was so proud of our former local talents who busted out of this town and worked diligently to establish their act in New York. Clearly Justin and Kenny have taken hold of “the city that never sleeps” and are currently working on bringing that magical maudlin world of mayhem, melodrama and mixed drinks known as Kiki and Herb to an off-Broadway production.
The Harper’s Bazaar article also had the greatest lead-in sentence: “ Kiki and Herb are cabaret’s answer to The Blair Witch Project: no budget, lots of underground buzz, and so frightening to watch.” The writer seems to have caught a glimpse of the qualities that prompted me years ago to refer to Justin Bond as San Francisco’s most dangerous performer. There were so many moments I witnessed during Kiki and Herbs legendary runs at the now defunct Eichelbergers that were indeed frightening and awe inspiring, like the time she climbed across a table of guests and swung open the window and screamed “Just don’t get too comfortable out there!” or her risky monologue about the then still missing kidnap/murder victim Polly Klass and the brutal rendition of “Pretty Polly,” an old Irish folk song once done by Judy Collins full of cold stark, violent, grave-digging, imagery, or her medley of “Suicide is Painless,” with “Smells Like Teen Spirit” merely days after Cobain’s suicide, opening a show with a snappy rendition of “Niggahz and Bitches” by Snoop Doggy Dog or that one Christmas show medley that combined “We Wish You A Merry Christmas,” with “Heroin” by the Velvet Underground, adding a whole new urgency to the often forgotten, “Oh bring me some figgy pudding” verse. In fact Kiki and Herbs Christmas shows were always delightfully un-cheery, Kiki unable to hide her disdain for the holiday as her saccharine smiles would melt away and the nice words of a traditional carrol would end up being spat out like a curse or insult, followed by a personal Christmas story of her own, something down-trodden and low, a tragedy that would make The Gift Of The Magi seem pleasant. Of course over the years Kiki has also ripped in to the entire religious meaning of Christmas with such blasphemous fury and ribald notions of the nativity that The Catholic League of Civil Rights of America included their act in a list of the ten most anti-catholic shows around.
Justin Bond’s over the top characterization of Kiki is breath taking in its scope and depth and detail and history. The voice is strong and capable but enhanced with these airport lounge singer/cruise ship crooner/Shriner convention entertainer-isms, making for a sort of trash-charged cabaret style, vocals that hit harder, crack with emotion, verge on fragile or growl furiously. It’s the between-song banter that really exemplifies where this voice is coming from, the telling of Kiki’s personal and professional triumphs and tragedies. This is where Bond’s talent soars, in storytelling—weaving the web of tales from a show-biz life, expressing her beliefs based on the events that shaped her and Herb’s lives. Kenny Mellman, or Herb, has faithfully provided the music that launches, frames, embellishes, burns along with, and propels Kiki through a glimpse of their world with all the bent skewed awesome and instinctual performance genius necessary to match his partner. I’ve seen Kenny play so hard there was blood on the keys and that has always impressed me. This pairing of talents has such a symbiotic intensity that you just know Kiki and Herb would’ve died without each other if they hadn’t met in that mental institution as children. There you have it—wasn’t I just talking about Justin and Kenny and suddenly I referenced Kiki and Herbs personal history? With such fascinating characters presented so fruitfully, laden with theatrical nuance, and countless stories about them, the lines get blurred.
Needless to say, I was very excited to learn that after three long years since leaving San Francisco Kiki and Herb were due to return for a one night only appearance at a campaign fundraiser for Mayoral candidate Tom Ammiano. It seemed the perfect time for it, Kiki and Herb riding the crest of a momentous wave of success and media coverage could mark their return as triumphant and lend their talents in support of the first ever write-in candidate in SF history to make it to a run-off election for mayor, prompting a fresh rejuvenated hope for community representation here in “Everyone’s favorite city,” the place so many of us want to love again. As Justin said when we spoke the day before the show, “Kenny and I now live in a city (New York) who’s Mayor is a fascist, so we understand supporting this campaign.”
I had the opportunity to sit and chat with Justin and Kenny, drinking black hotel room coffee and smoking in a non-smoking room of a downtown hotel. Our chat was a bit unstructured and all of us admittedly weren’t at our most vibrant. We decided later that based on jet lag and personal prime times for conversational exuberance we should have interviewed at 2 am instead of 5 pm. Nonetheless we covered a few choice topics of interest. One of my favorites of course was all of the famous people who have come to see their show. They liked that one too. Justin was particularly thrilled on the night Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson were there and another night on one side of the room sat Gloria Steinem and on the other the late Quentin Crisp. Sandra Bernhardt has been to the show twice in the last month and they’ve talked to her before. “She said she wanted to write something for us,” Justin added followed by a maniacal laugh from both of them. The list continued including Katie Holmes from Dawson’s Creek, Rufus Wainwright, Momus, and Michael Stipe. They went on to describe a star-studded birthday party in L.A. for photographer Greg Gorman with a guest list that included Leonardo diCaprio, Kevin Costner, Holly Hunter, John Hurt, Rupert Everett, Mink Stole, Jason Priestly and more. As for upcoming magazine features to add to their already impressive list, Kiki and Herb were doing a photo session upon returning to New York this week with Vanity Faire, and current issues of the Advocate, and Genre have pieces on them. Kenny also mentioned that a guy he knows has written his Masters thesis on Kiki and Herb and that will appear in the Gay and Lesbian Quarterly in January.
Over the last year Kiki and Herb have touched on a few current events as they always have in the act including the Columbine Shootings, or as Kiki referred to it, “The Concubine Tragedy,” performing the song “I Don’t Like Mondays,” in a tribute to all the beautiful little victims, especially the one girl who for her senior class talent show did a Contemporary Christian-themed Mime routine and the irony was not lost on Kiki, who said, “Everyone who chooses a career as a contemporary Christian Mime Artist has chosen a high risk profession to begin with.” Taking stock of other tragedies in the recent past they recalled doing a JFK Jr. tribute with the Shona Laing song “I’m Glad I’m Not A Kennedy.” Both Justin and Kenny bemoaned the fact that there hasn’t been a really good tragedy to play off of in awhile. Kiki didn’t get too worked up over “ethnic cleaning” and refugees in Bosnia, “because lets face it ladies and gentlemen, they’re not going to be a part of our audience.” Justin also pointed out that they no longer take mushrooms before every show like they used to ritualistically, but contend that their show is definitely powered by alcohol. They still have an occasional person walk out of a show offended by the material, but in the longrun Kiki throws more people out of the show than walk out offended. They recalled a night when an unruly person in the crowd was finally told by Kiki, “Everyone here hates you.” When the word dating came up I asked them if they, in lieu of their growing popularity, were doing much of that. Kenny said, “ I’m single,” while Justin responded with, “I’m married…or I’m at least involved in a primary relationship.” Take note. They gave me a few hints about what to expect from their new show but didn’t let me in on everything. One thing was certain though, the show was the thing—the fruit of their efforts and something they were proud of—what they were anxious to show the fans who nurtured this monster called Kiki and Herb.
It must be said that the entire Ammiano fundraiser produced by The Tom Tom Club at the transmission Theater and Paradise Lounge was not only an endless array of diverse and solid entertainers paced smoothly all night long, but it also produced a feeling of belonging, a sense of focus, a clear and direct goal to work towards. I hadn’t felt this way since I lay down in the street and let my friend spray paint my outline on Castro and Market while others lined the streets watching for cops with our warning word being “Mary” if one was spotted. Remember? Well, it was so good to feel something besides bitter and pushed around and backhanded by the city we love yet seem to be losing. I saw hope for the first time in awhile—but hope doesn’t visit a voting booth and punch a hole, YOU do and will come December 14, or you are a bed wetter. Your sheets will be hanging out the window for all to see.
When it was time for Kiki and Herb to go on—emcee Ggreg Taylor suggested that all of us sitting on the floor stand to make room for all the people filling up the back. This crowd was huge and excited. I was right up front where I wanted to be and Herb came out and started playing and singing an intro and there was something just a bit more intense about him—pounding the keys harder singing louder starting out at manic as opposed to mellow. Thirty seconds had passed and herb was already on fire! Then Kiki shot out on stage drink in hand, arms in the air and wearing a new dress! This was the first time I’d seen her in anything but that trademark snagged silver and black Foxy Lady Boutique dress—ever. They tore into a rousing version of “(hit me baby) One More Time” by just-turned-old-enough-to-vote Britney Spears. The rendition was brutal—complete with from-the-video dance moves, Herb screaming back up vocals like a man on fire. The crowd so loves and so misses Kiki and Herb, who in turn slip right into the medley they used to open with years ago of “Flamingo/When Doves Cry.” The house was ecstatic.
Once the crowd had calmed a bit Kiki led into her first real story of the night, one they had alluded to when we spoke the day before. She explained their history, meeting in an “Institutional” where they were each other’s only friends, how they were there because they were, in those days what they called retards. “Some people don’t like that word these days, and would prefer specially-abled or mentally handicapped but that word is ours. We reclaim it, kinda like black people do with the word nigger.” She went on to explain as they grew older it was apparent that herb was gay and other kids would tease him. Kids can be so cruel. The story continues dipping into a treacherous juvenile schoolyard nightmare of fag bashing via the song “You’re Ugly” by the group Butt Trumpet. Then it goes even further and as Kiki takes you there to the tragedy of Herbs multiple rape, the pain and anguish and shame and horror comes forth on Herbs face as he plays the piano with the force of his attackers penetration from behind, thrusting the pain forward, hips smashing against the piano, pain rushing through keys and into the notes, twisting and pounding his body in a way Jerry Lee Lewis never did and Little Richard wanted to. And Kiki takes it right into that verse in “Horses” by Patti Smith where Johnny gets raped in the locker room, of course changing the name to Herbie. This was the rape of Herb, a tragedy which she of course saves him from, but he is hospitalized and unclear if she was really there for him—he cant remember, but she was and the whole ordeal comes to a emotional epic conclusion with a song called ‘I’ll Keep on Loving You” by either Meatloaf or Journey, I can’t remember. My God! I’ve never hated the smoking ordinance in this state more than I did at the conclusion of this medley! I noted that Herb had become far more of an expressive character than merely an accompanist in New York. In fact—the bond between Kiki and Herb seems to be the area where the most change and development has taken place. This was impressive, and like just about every queer male in the house, it turned me way the fuck on. Is that sick?
Their set continued on with a stunning powerful version of “This Is Hardcore” by Pulp, a brilliant song made even more fantastic by Kiki’s rendition, a trick she’s often been able to do with a contemporary pop rock hit. Sometimes an artist will do a cover song in such a way that it changes forever your memory of it, you’ll never hear it again without hearing it as you heard it performed that certain time. Kiki and Herb have done that to a number of songs for me like Radiohead’s “Creep.” Perhaps they have a knack for doing this to smug and popular brit-pop. They may have made their mark here for certain, and the title “This Is Hardcore” just kept running through my mind after their set as just a general description of their show.
One perky number that was actually a sing-a-long called “Banging in The Nails” originally done by a group called The Tiger Lillies who come highly recommended from both Kenny and Justin, is one of the most blasphemous filthy naughty you-are-definitely -going-to-hell-for-liking-this-song kind of ditty. It makes a fun little audience participation number singing as fast as you can, “I’m crucifying Jesus/I’m banging in the nails/I’m bang bang bang bangbang/ bang bang bang banging in the nails.” You got it!
Kiki and Herbs set wound down to a close with a song that I’ve always hated but their version completely changed my mind and sounded beautiful. It was Kate Bush’s “Running up the Hill.” Its arrangement was slightly slowed down and askew, but in a gentle way. It made for a poignant closing song to a set that I thought a lot about and it just boggles the mind. I ran into an old friend afterwards and he said, “She’s got more teeth and they’re much sharper.” I ran into another who said “Running up The Hill” made him cry. I remembered how many times I laughed uncontrollably during the set, and I thought, all of this success is coming their way and yet their show seemed if anything, harder, stranger, scarier, and more dangerous than ever. And you were thinking perhaps that all the media attention was possibly due to a toned down and nicer Kiki and Herb? It’s so hard to say why one of my favorite acts is becoming so popular but I knew they would. Because Justin Bond and Kenny Mellman are genius.