Ah yes, once again christmas is upon us, only this year it’s just a little different. It definitely seems that a lot less people are flying home for the holidays largely due to that airplane airplane building building thing, not to mention the highest national unemployment rates in many years and the evening news driving home the fact that we are indeed in a full-on economic recession, then telling us that if Christmas retail revenues don’t start climbing soon, because our whole economy is fully based on this annual commercialized response to a celebrated religious event (hoax), that the country is in really deep economic shit. Well I’ve never really been much of a holly jolly Christmas type guy, so all this doesn’t really take christmas to any new undiscovered or unendured level for me. If anything I’m feeling sort of smug in my anti-holiday attitude. It’s like, “So sorry America, that the world situation has kind of rained on your indulgent parade, or you might say drained it’s ugly festering boils on your parade, and peace on earth and goodwill towards men aren’t even registering on the applause meter so if you even want your nation to keep its head above water you better get out there and at least spend your damn money on gifts unless you wanna join forces to militaristically squash all of those anti-peace-on-earth type muslim terrorist enemies completely like heroes do, if they don’t die, leaving an entire family sighing, “Christmas just isn’t the same without…” Remember about a decade or so ago when all the pop stars got together and recorded a song called “Do They Know It’s Christmas,” to benefit the starving children of the world? Well, have american children ever not known it’s christmas, or even had one that wasn’t filled with Nike shoes, playstations for a host of violent computer games, expensive and ugly oversized designer clothes as seen on MTV, personal cell phones and pagers and vibrating cartoon fuck-me-up-the-ass Elmo dolls that parents had to weild a knife at FAO Schwartz to get? Will the simple fact that 19 men planned and executed an attack that killed more people than the concerted Japanese military forces did when they attacked Pearl Harbor sixty years ago have any effect on the greedy holiday wishes of children protected and shielded from the harsh reality of life during war-time and ultimately the unpredictable future methods of destruction, devastation and almost certain poverty this War on Terrorism will likely plunge us into? And what is the best and most useful tool to shield the children, our greatest national treasure, from these truths? George W. knows. It’s called Patriotism, a simplified and unifying system of belief, kind of like Allah but different.
Enough about the tired old traditional Christmas, this year I’m celebrating early with a newer tradition, something started well after that one night in bethlehem but quite a few years ago nonetheless, right here in san francisco with a couple of legendary seasonal runs of a cabaret style show that for many changed the meaning of Christmas forever. That of course would be the phenomenon known as Kiki and Herb and their legendary early engagements at a now defunct bar/restaurant here in San Francisco. Justin Bond and Kenny Mellman created this pair of characters, a duo of show-biz lifers, who through song and meandering banter and storytelling whipped up an instant following that packed the house every weekend for runs up to 8 months long. The act quite naturally addressed the holiday season as it rolled around and something truly magical kicked in. There was something endearing and transformative about hearing Kiki recount the many tragedies of her life with her bitter reluctantly sweet and happy christmas songs that would weave in and out of an amazing array of punk rock and rock and AOR schlock songs as disparate and unrelated as “Heroin” by Velvet Underground, “We Wish You A Merry Christmas,” “The Thin Ice” by Pink Floyd and “Total Eclipse Of The Heart.”
Those were some pretty trying times, many people feeling the loss of so many vibrant and wonderful members of the community to AIDS and with the emotional baggage Christmas can pack, the show became a cathartic joyous wonder to behold.
I suppose it did us a lot of good to see a character ripping the pretty false front off of the face of the most sacred holiday. I dubbed Justin Bond San Francisco’s most dangerous performer and Kenny Mellman a genius who left blood across the ivory keys nightly. To me they were the greatest show on earth. It was a miracle that had to move on, and it did—to NYC. And the rest is history. Now Kiki and Herb are two-time Obie winners who have played all over the world, entertained at madonnas 39th birthday, played the premiere party for David Lynch’s Mullholland Drive, recorded a wonderful Christmas album, have become the unequalled press darlings of some of the nations most esteemed and respected publications, and have numerous celebrity fans that seem to believe as I do, that theirs is the greatest show on earth.
So christmas comes early for me this year as I for the first time fly to New York to see Kiki and Herb: A Stranger in The Manger. It’s funny how a nouveau sort of holiday tradition in a strange place can actually feel so much like coming home. Hopefully I’ll arrive intact so I can visit ground zero or “The Hole” as I’ve been calling it, instead of becoming another one, or worse yet a hero. I hate flying.
Speaking of The Hole, or The Hole In The Wall Saloon, that is where Kiki and Herb told their audience to go for an afterparty following their sold out appearance at The Great American Music Hall last month. She had heard that business at the once bustling dirty little biker bar that at one time sold more budweiser than Candlestick park and frequently had a line out the door had dropped off significantly ever since the smoking ordinance went into effect some time ago. For some reason after the ordinance passed, the Hole came under intense scrutiny by the authorities who enforce it, as they must respond to any and all complaints ever phoned in to them. Other bars in the neighborhood had structural options like a back door outside area to be designated for smokers and the Hole did not.
When customers continued to smoke inside the authorities responded with quick and severe penalties that included large fines and or forced closure for a penalty period. Eventually came threats of liscense revocation which prompted employees to really crack down on the smokers or lose it all. Well, no one who frequented the spirited outlaw-ish renegade bar took well to being told to not smoke and the drop in business continued, and I believe the scrutiny was much more intense on The Hole than other places—more than once the Newscenter 4 van would pull up and try to do a bit of investigative reporting. Business continued to just drop off. It was a huge fucking drag and all I could think was only in the state of california would we have to put up with such a bullshit legislation as this.
But my point in bringing all this up was simply to say hey folks, is stepping outside of the bar for a smoke really such an inconvenience that you don’t want to go there anymore? We still offer the best and most consistant and relevant rock and roll music of any queer bar save for the Eagle and that’s because we share DJ’s, basic musical concepts, and the two bars are owned by the same people. I still spin there two nights a week and I do my best to keep current and respect the rock as it has always been a personal crusade of mine for over a decade to play rock and roll music for the fags and dykes who love it, for the queers from all over the country who migrate to S.F. and are thoroughly stunned to hear the music they love being played in a queer bar—often for the first time. I’ve noted that other bars in the neighborhood have even bent their usual formats to include more rock or feature specific nights with rock themes, although I cant vouch for the consistency on a purist level. Aside from the focus of the music, a bar is what the patrons make it, and all the glorious wild goodtimes that bar has been over its 7 year history needn’t be thought of or referred to in the past tense and needn’t cower in the shadow of it’s sibling bar The Eagle Tavern. Go to the Hole, loyalty has it’s rewards.
As for The Eagle Tavern with it’s forever unrestricted-by-ordinance outdoor patio, a smokers refuge and cause enough for celebration, there has been one of the greatest developments in the local music scene brewing there for about a year now with their regularly featured Thursday night live bands for free. It got started up in a sort of modest way but has really grown into a very busy, fun and increasingly well-attended weekly live showcase. They’ve featured bands from as far away as sweden and various points across the states, showcased popular and well-known bands like the incredible Zen Guerrilla, Pansy Division, Black Kali Ma, Drunken Horse, Subarachnoid Space, Fabulous Disaster, Lost Goat, Vicor Krummenacher and far to many to name, all of which play their gigs for suggested donations collected by passing the hat throughout the night. Last Thursday I admittedly put a tape in while working at the Hole in The Wall so I could dash over to the Eagle to catch Fabulous Disaster play an asskicking set and appear to be having the best time doing so and it struck me more than ever as I looked around at the crowd and saw so many other musicians from other bands present, just what a magical thing was happening with Thursday Night Live at the Eagle. Great bands from a broad spectrum of styles and origin want to play there because its fun. A sense of community has really enveloped the event and right when the whole rock scene here in SF was very threatened by the economic difficulties of creating as a musician or artist in this high rent city of money grubbing slumlords. Thursday nights are better than fucking Christmas any day. For a list of upcoming shows visit the Eagle’s website at www.sfeagle.com.